odontoceti asked: So I think I just came late to the party, but speaking as a generally often unconfident 21-year old, who does better with books and quiet beers at home/doing theatre with my core group than almost anything else: is it really just as impossibly simple and hard as just making new friends outside of the ones I already have, in order to meet keeper dudes?
I don't even know if that's an answerable question, so no fear. Thanks for being awesome.
Quite apart from my opinion that at age 21 you emphatically do not need a boyfriend, my best advice is to stop looking. Let it go right now. Why? What you’re really seeking is happiness, and you’re not going to find that externally until you cultivate it internally.
I know; that sounds like a cliché, but it is nevertheless true. And yes, that may mean stepping outside your comfort zone, away from your friends, and maybe even meeting new people. Go to interesting lectures at the museum—not because you’re looking for a guy, but because you’re interested in the subject. Or participate in a theatre workshop to learn something new, or spend a day visiting all the used bookstores in your neighborhood.
And I will tell anyone this, but get the fuck out there. Travel. See the world. You’re 21—spend two, three, four years on foot, exploring theatre, acting, or the like in Asia, Africa, or South America. Hell, do they put on their own shows at research stations in Antarctica? I don’t know—go find out!!! Challenge your expectations and assumptions! (And don’t tell me it’s too expensive to travel; I know for a fact it’s not.)
Oh, read this article, “Shakespeare in the Bush”—you may find it very elucidating. Actually, everyone should go read that article.
I can’t guarantee that when you truly renounce the desire to find happiness externally (which could include finding a good man) that it will show up right in front of you. But my god, what things you’ll have done! What places you’ll have been to! What stories you’ll tell! How wonderful! How marvelous!
Of course, not everyone wants to travel, and that’s OK if it’s not something that calls to you. But find a way to challenge yourself, cultivate your own happiness, and you’ll do great things, my friend. You’ll do great things. :D
